Tuesday, January 17, 2012

On fear

Last night I saw my baby in my dream. I've dreamt of my baby before but this was the first time I clearly remember seeing his face. My dream actually woke me up because it was sort of a nightmare. My baby had a disease in my dream and I knew that because he didn't look normal. He had a million little white, scale-like circles all over his face like a fish...and I remember feeling that my own baby wasn't beautiful which made me really sad. His legs and arms were also swollen and his skin color was white like a ghost. I remember feeling scared to touch him because I was so shocked.

I woke up and was thankful that it was just a bad dream but I couldn't fall back asleep. I decided to play on my phone to take my mind off of that image in my head of my baby and I came across a link that someone posted on FB about a story of a mommy and her baby with a disease called EB. These stories usually inspire me because their trials bring out their beauty and strength, but this time in particular it was eerie to me as I had just woken up from a dream about having a sick baby. I don't believe that dreams have special meanings so I'm not trying to interpret my dream, but I guess as an expecting mom in nine days, I freaked out.

Richard saw that I was awake and I told him I had a nightmare. He comforted me in his arms as he slowly fell back asleep without knowing what I had dreamt about. I felt secure knowing that whatever happens that we'll be in it together and moreover, that God is always with us. It's natural for us to ask what if's through each stage in life, but I need to remember that God has been and is faithful through his plans and I don't need to worry ever! I'm sure everything will be fine and even if it doesn't go the way I plan, that is okay with me (or at least that's my hope!).

1 comment:

  1. aww nightmares are seriously the worst. :( but i'm so encouraged by your perspective and your desire to trust in Him even despite the what if's. :) i've been thinking a lot about how there are so many uncertainties in every stage of life but thankfully, the only certain thing (God's love for us) is all we need to get through it without fear. :) <3

    btw, did you think of a name yet? haha